This year I turn 30. 30 doesn’t sound like a particularly scary number and I’ve never really freaked out about the fact i’ll be leaving my 20’s behind but it does make you start thinking about some things when you hit the 29 marker.
In my mid to late 20’s I thought I knew what I wanted from life, I thought I had most of my shit together. I owned a house by the age of 25 and was married by the time I was 27. I ticked off all those things you get told to do in life and was already mentally preparing myself for popping out some babies around the 30 mark.
Honestly, my life could not be anymore different right now as I rapidly approach 30 and leave 29 behind.
I know what I want (just about).
Your 20’s are the time to experiment, make mistakes, move around, change jobs, boyfriends, diet plans. My 20’s was certainly a whirlwind in both good and bad ways. I’ve learned alot about myself and although I don’t have most of it sorted out, I sure as hell know a lot more about what I want from my future. I want happiness and experiences and to live life and definitely won’t define my life anymore by the milestones I hit. I wish I’d never bought my house, it’s literally done nothing but burden me and LOL lets not even get into my complete failure of a marriage. So realistically, those things you get told to tick off a list to be a successful adult, is bollocks.
What I enjoy now is talking to friends, watching a great film, brunch dates and random drives. I couldn’t care less about owning another house but it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy stability in other ways. I’ve matured and my expectations have matured with it.
I’m becoming comfortable with myself.
I’ve written recently about how I’m learning to love myself and all the ways I’m practicing self love. I’ve definitely become more happy in my own skin over the last few years. You spend so much time hating the way you look, or caring about how other people see you, that you just stop giving a shit eventually. It’s so cliche but it’s true!
Over the last year I’ve lost weight and realised I still had all the same insecurities I had at 10st as I did at 12st. It’s learning to work on yourself and accepting yourself for who you are. I chose to live my life now, rather than restrict myself to fill a societal box. I’ve started wearing things outside of my comfort zone a little more instead of hiding myself away.
I might not be exactly happy with the lines around my eyes when I laugh or smile, but they’re a line in the story of Tarnya. The one liners of the comedy film that is my life.
I (sort of) have a career.
Last year I moved from QA to Production, which probably means nothing to a lot of you. But it was a move i’ve been wanting to make in my career for the last 5 years and someone finally gave me the chance to prove myself. It’s been a hard, stressful year but also one of the most rewarding and exciting years of my games industry career. I love working with people and my skill set is definitely more suited to managing a team and work schedule. It’s a pretty exciting time for me in this department and i’m hoping it gets even better in my 30’s.
I’ve found my people.
Gone are the days I spend fighting for friendships that are hard work. Gone are the days I pour effort into people that are hot and cold with me. Fuck not knowing where I stand.
I’m so lucky that over the years I’ve made some awesome friends. Friends that I can go without seeing for years and it’s exactly the same as it was 10 years ago. I have the friends that I see week in week out. I have the friends I text constantly but never see because they live miles away. Wherever they are around the world, I have a solid bunch of friends that have and will, get me through the tough shit.
The last year of my life was an absolute disaster but without my pals I wouldn’t have made it. I guess it’s a perk of getting older, you get to connect with people through meaningful experiences.
Going with the punches.
If i’d have spoke about this a year ago, it would have been a very different story. I was at a stand still in my life, battling severe mental health issues, a horrible relationship, unhappy in my career. I’ve always been a control freak who planned every last detail to every scenario but it’s crazy how much a year can change you. I’ve just learned to go with the flow and let go a little. What will be will be and I can’t change that by freaking out about it every 30 seconds. I’m too busy enjoying life to really care anymore. I don’t have time to waste caring about shit that I shouldn’t and I can’t wait to give less of a shit in the years going forward.
Getting old certainly isn’t at scary as I thought it would be! It’s a journey I used to dread but if the last year of my life is anything to go by, I can’t wait to see what I get up to after being 29! I have so many things planned, so many exciting adventures that my 30’s are looking pretty fucking awesome.
So here’s to the future and an absolutely bangin’ 30th birthday party.
If you want to follow the journey of a 29 year old become a 30-something lifestyle blogger, follow my daily snaps on Instagram!